Monday, July 20, 2009

Good Intentions. Really.

I have a host of things I'd love to post on my blog: things that the kids are doing/saying, what I've been up to, what I'm enjoying the most these days, how hectic life is, pics, parties, everyday things. I have intentions of writing and posting, yet my intentions go to bed with me during the kid's afternoon naps. I'm so tired all the time, carrying around an extra XX lbs and rumbly tumbly baby. Mallory and Ethan keep me on my toes, teaching me more about patience daily (since we seem to fight the same battles daily), and I often question if anything I'm saying or doing is getting through their heads.

I've been learning what it means to "lean on the everlasting arms" of Jesus lately.

I often feel like what I say to my kids isn't sinking in, what I do isn't appreciated (since what I do is to clean up messes to it can become a mess again), and when the end of the day approaches, my accomplishments seem frail and meaningless. I've learned lately that in the occupation that God has called me to, my responsibilities are what they are and I'm learning to take joy in glorifying God in changing diapers, wiping dirt off the floors and pouring one more cup-full of detergent in my washing machine.

I had a breaking point today. In the midst of strapping the kids into their car seats today, beginning to haul them around every which-way this morning (starting at 7:30am!!!), Ethan said to me "Mommy, kiss!" to which I leaned in and he gave me a HUGE head-butt right in the nose. I buckled over, he started laughing and Mallory says "Silly Mommy!". I don't know, but it just made me cry. Big tears. I realized at that moment that no matter what I do, or what "angels" they seem to be, they are sinful - just like me - in need of Jesus. I realized that I couldn't take my anger or frustration out on them and I could either choose to love them or be rude to them. Needless to say, I loved them by remaining quiet, trying to wipe my tears and hold myself together without them noticing too much, and biting my tongue as they pinched, screamed, and hit each other throughout the morning - disciplining them quietly and patiently, quelling my bubbling wrath in the process. Motherhood is tough. And doing it patiently is tougher.

Patrick and I have been swamped with our respective occupations (him a little moreso than me) in addition to intentionally act out I Cor 10:24 with each other. It's been really, really hard to put "self" last on the list and each other first, but the fruits of our labors have been growing little by little. We're starting to understand what it means to "learn to love" and that by loving through serving God and each other really does cause a healthy, vibrant relationship to blossom. It's been a tough lesson. We're still learning. It's hard, hard, hard. It took us both to hit rock bottom to get this knocked in our head, though...and it was a big rock.

I haven't been behind my camera lately. Though I enjoy taking pictures, I now get bogged down with the amount of pictures I take, the time it takes to download and sort through them, then try to figure out what the heck to do with all of them. I'm trying to get over it, you know, the idea that what I enjoy doing causes me to have to find a chisel to carve more time into my already busy days. So I just put that aside. I have taken a few pictures lately and I miss it. I miss photography.

I have been enjoying cooking. I've been inspired by a cooking site that apparently has been around for a while, I guess I'm just not that "in" to what's in the bloggy world. Though I haven't tried a recipe from Deb's site, the food photos are enough to get me up and cookin'. I've been on my favorite recipe site a lot, trying to figure out what to do with some excessive ingredients I have laying around; our jalapeno and tomato plants are harvesting an abundance of produce. I've made some extremely tasty homemade mexican items, including sauces and salsas that have made my usually tastey dishes more tastey. Also, the in-season blueberries and peaches have caused me to whip up some great breakfast bread and lure me into a more healthy snack rather than a processed one. I've dabbled with new recipes, created some of my own, and have really enjoyed being in my kitchen. I love watching my family eat well, some of it healthy, some not, and enjoy it. I'm hoping to share some recipes with you because I've really, really liked creating these healthy, hearty meals for my family, feeling like I'm doing some kind of good for their bodies with my cooking.

Enough meandering for now, I guess.

I have great intentions of pairing recipes with food pictures I've taken, writing post after post on the kids, sharing other creative things I've tried to attempt, sharing about the littlest Mossling and what he has brought to our lives already, and such and such. For now, the intentions will remain, but I've GOT to take a nap before I keel over salivate on the keyboard.


Kelly said...

This sounds familiar....the restlessness that comes with a pregnancy. Thanks for sharing your heart :-) and I hope your nose is OK.

Courtney said...

I so share your feeling about photography! I miss it too. It stresses me out to know I have all these great photos I've taken but have no time to do with them what I'd like. So, I tend to leave my camera on the shelf - and it's sad. But, it's OK. Such is life.

The recipe thing is cool. Just consider that your new, fun hobby - and photography will come back later! My new, fun hobby is grocery shopping and picking up toys, I guess :)

Have a great day. Miss ya...

Amanda said...

Love you!

I've been "leaning on the everlasting arms" too, sister.

[[[[BIG HUG]]]]